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From: smash48@netins.net
Note: This is for the mail bag, but put it where you want it, other than in
the trash, where it belongs.
Once upon a time, there was a Pokemon named Mewtwo. He was a clone of
some unknown Pokemon named Mew. (My, what imaginative scientists! I
personally would have named him 'Mew the second, Lord and king of all he
surveys and for that matter, all he doesn't as well.' Mtslakoahsaftmahdaw
for short. Maw for really short. But, I digress) Anyway, some stupid
looking scientists decided to bring him to life and use him for experiments.
Mewtwo decided that he would cooperate with them, that is, until they
decided to lock him in a room with evil technicolored monsters from Public
Television. So he blew up the lab. This is what was knows as the 'Big
Bang.' After that, the universe was created and 20 billion years later...
Huh?
Wait a sec.
*Shuffles his cue cards and finds the right one*
Anyway, then he met a suspicious guy from a helicopter who offered to
train him. After years in the army, Mewtwo single-handedly won World War 3.
Then the suspicious guy revealed that he was an encyclopedia salesman and
tried to make Mewtwo pay him $500 for the testing of his new training course
he got from his encyclopedias. Mewtwo, not wanting to waste his hard-earned
cash, psychically threw the guy and his helicopter into a huge bowl of
living green Jell-o, where they were eaten in five seconds.
Not trusting humans anymore, he decided to kill them all off. So he
hired a bunch of lawyers (The essence of evil) and sent them around the
globe to issue invitations to all the Pokemon slave drivers around the globe
to come to a big frat party where he advertised a river of beer and other
things collage kids liked, at least in stereotypes.
It was a dismal failure. Only 20 people showed up, and they got really
drunk and decided to try to dump our hero Mewtwo into a big vat of castor
oil. That is, until our hero Mewtwo warped their DNA, changing three of
them into Pokemon clones, one into his personal slave, and the others into
lice.
Then he tried again by hiring a bunch of Pokemon to send hypnotic
invitations, forcing people to come to his island and hand over all their
worldly possessions. But he misprogrammed the cards to make them think he
was the greatest Pokemon Slave Driver ever. After bashing his head against
a wall 50 times when he realized his blunder, he altered his plans for world
domination.
Then, for some reason, he created a big storm to stop the other slave
drivers from coming. But eventually, three made it through. So he sent his
slave to bring them up to his office and gave them all Income Tax forms to
fill out.
After the other Slave Drivers became even more insane than they already
were, Mewtwo revealed himself to them. They responded with laughter and
mockery about his tail and that cord thingy running up the back of his neck.
After 5 minutes, he got sick of it and dumped them into a torture chamber
where they were forced to watch cheesy kid shows about a certain nameless
evil purple thingy. (Shudder)
After which, Mewtwo gave a big speech about freedom to the remaining
Pokemon, who decided to rebel against their trainers. That is, until the
electric shock collars hidden on each one's neck activated. Then Mewtwo,
for another strange reason, used his genetically warped collage students to
beat the others and then cloned them all.
Somehow, one of the trainers got free and freed all the other Pokemon,
who were forced to be glad to see him, thanks to artificial emotional
enzymes the Poke Balls injected into them. The nameless trainer then
decided to try to beat up Mewtwo. Big mistake.
Later...
The nameless trainer was flying through the air and about to get
squished to blood pudding against a nearby wall, when he was suddenly
shielded by a weird pink bubble nearby. The source of that bubble was Mew,
who had returned from the dead. He challenged his clone for the right to
kill the nameless trainer. Therefore, he and our hero Mewtwo dueled in the
ancient Pokemon way, by encasing their bodies in rubber balls and bouncing
against each other. Meanwhile, the other Pokemon and their clones forgot
which one was the real one and so they duked it out for the right to be
called the original.
Then the nameless trainer then fell from the roof and landed between Mew
and our hero. They both then decided to kill him before the other one did,
and poof! He was suddenly turned to stone. All the other Pokemon and
clones noticed about 5 days later. They all began to cry for joy. But,
thanks to the fragile fabric of space-time, he was suddenly warped to the
Starship Enterprise. Picard, not knowing the trainer's true nature, healed
him somehow and sent him back.
Needless to say, our hero was not pleased. But then he decided to put
the nameless trainer off his guard by pretending he had changed his ways and
went off with his clones to plot their brilliant revenge. The nameless
trainer was not fooled, so he decided to change his ways. Too bad he had
forgotten about it by the next movie.
Ah well, no one's perfect.
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